Not sure if motherhood have chosen me or I have chosen it, but I must admit that I was sure not ready for the roughness of it. In my life I have never been calculative and I choose not to be the one , rather I take life as it comes. It doesn't mean I don't plan, but most of the times the plan doesn't cover all the corners. I had made myself ready about the structural changes as in, moving house, preparing the nursery, buying necessities for the arriving baby but it is so much more than that. To my surprise , I did not recognize myself after delivering my first child. It was so overwhelming, life changing, distressing . Its not that you start sacrificing when you become a mother , you just give everything to the little one who is so helpless in this big bad world. My elder daughter is born in Dubai and I could not fathom the amount of help I might require soon after the delivery. I got somebody from India but that's not enough. My husband knows very little about a baby and was very scared to even hold her for the first time and I couldn't realize I would become so incapable of even standing after the childbirth. Anyways, me on my bed, the newborn in my arms , always crying for milk ,the endless demand of motherhood, I felt so shattered !!
That time itself , not even recovered from my postpartum , I decided and gave myself a target , if at all I become a mother second time I will not let this mess happen and I did not let that happen to my second born. At the cost of me being away from my home and my husband I went to my hometown and my younger one was born there.
Learning is a process and you learn throughout your lifetime and this time I have learned how to voice my own understanding and my opinion. I did not entertain any unsolicited advice from anyone else but from my doctor and my experience of the last pregnancy. Me , writing this blog is just to sum up my experiences and learning. I know, there are plenty , I will say innumerable sites campaigning good parenting styles and the do's and don'ts of the mothering but this article is not a solution for motherhood but my perspective on parenting, which is heartfelt and which is not written under any kind of pressure or to meet the deadline but to express my heart. I am trying to follow a pattern as I write because it gives me a kind of completeness. Whatever I have understood so far I will pen down and it will grow as I grow with it. Hope that made some sense.
Lactation - Let you be the judge
When you become a mother , soon you will see various lactation consultant emerging from every corner of the world. My first job was to tell them, "Look boss, it's my body and my baby and let me decide how much I nurse and how much she is full. "Trust me this worked. A very crucial point here is the urine and stool should be regular and here I would like to thank my father for pointing out this fact. If you see any irregularity in these two areas try giving some top feed or call the doctor. But I will say trust your instincts, that is very very important.
Taking Care of Yourself-
Soon, you become a mother you will find the pointer of interest moves towards the baby , and the mother, the primary caregiver of the baby becomes neglected. Remember, you are the main food source for the baby and everything else. Please take care of your self. Take good shower. Give time to heal your stitches , eat and sleep. I hired a Nanny and a cook to take care of me and my newborn. For those, it's not possible, involve your husband for holding the baby while you sleep, shower or eat. Eat easily digestible food, healthy and nutritious. If somebody helps you in the cooking that would be great or else ask your partner.
Household Chores -
Ask for help with no shame. In India you can hire help, but people who are outside of our country please hire part time help and take help of your partner. Being a mother takes a toll on your mental and physical health so don't try and act like a superhuman. And few things you need to ignore. But , let me tell you , with newborn there is less mess, wait until the baby becomes a toddler. You will not be able to sit in one place. These infant days are bliss.
Your Body-
Your body changes and you need to accept that. There are some people blessed with smaller frame their belly comes back to normal shape within few weeks of delivery. That did not happen to me. First time I fretted but next time I slowed down. I ate well, nursed well to my baby and gradually when she became a year old I changed my food pattern which helped me to shed the baby fat.
Regarding Help -
In my case I did not have my mother so I asked one of our relatives to help me out in my first pregnancy. Which did not turn out so well. If possible please do not take your mother in laws help, they don't quite like their own baby to take care of his wife and the baby , hope you understood what I am trying to convey. If possible take paid help. That is much more less intrusive and professional and ofcouse you have less expectation.
Mental Health -
Another key and important note, apart from taking care of your physical health, take very good care of your mental health. Please plan yourself ahead so that you have less hassles when the baby arrives. Avoid unsolicited advice, take help, sleep and eat well. It's not easy to say but above all the points directs you towards a good mental state.
Above all, please new mothers trust your instincts , when I did not I messed up, when I did , I aced it.
It's your baby and you know the best. You may not be perfect but you learn. Try to share a loving relation with your husband/partner. Do not entertain any invasion, I mean literally any ! For raising a child you need your partner to be involved, if he can't due to time constraint hire help. Maintaining your sanity is important when raising a happy, healthy and secure child.
P.S : This article is purely based on whatever I have learned so far, no intention to hurt anyone or anything.
That time itself , not even recovered from my postpartum , I decided and gave myself a target , if at all I become a mother second time I will not let this mess happen and I did not let that happen to my second born. At the cost of me being away from my home and my husband I went to my hometown and my younger one was born there.
Learning is a process and you learn throughout your lifetime and this time I have learned how to voice my own understanding and my opinion. I did not entertain any unsolicited advice from anyone else but from my doctor and my experience of the last pregnancy. Me , writing this blog is just to sum up my experiences and learning. I know, there are plenty , I will say innumerable sites campaigning good parenting styles and the do's and don'ts of the mothering but this article is not a solution for motherhood but my perspective on parenting, which is heartfelt and which is not written under any kind of pressure or to meet the deadline but to express my heart. I am trying to follow a pattern as I write because it gives me a kind of completeness. Whatever I have understood so far I will pen down and it will grow as I grow with it. Hope that made some sense.
Lactation - Let you be the judge
When you become a mother , soon you will see various lactation consultant emerging from every corner of the world. My first job was to tell them, "Look boss, it's my body and my baby and let me decide how much I nurse and how much she is full. "Trust me this worked. A very crucial point here is the urine and stool should be regular and here I would like to thank my father for pointing out this fact. If you see any irregularity in these two areas try giving some top feed or call the doctor. But I will say trust your instincts, that is very very important.
Taking Care of Yourself-
Soon, you become a mother you will find the pointer of interest moves towards the baby , and the mother, the primary caregiver of the baby becomes neglected. Remember, you are the main food source for the baby and everything else. Please take care of your self. Take good shower. Give time to heal your stitches , eat and sleep. I hired a Nanny and a cook to take care of me and my newborn. For those, it's not possible, involve your husband for holding the baby while you sleep, shower or eat. Eat easily digestible food, healthy and nutritious. If somebody helps you in the cooking that would be great or else ask your partner.
Household Chores -
Ask for help with no shame. In India you can hire help, but people who are outside of our country please hire part time help and take help of your partner. Being a mother takes a toll on your mental and physical health so don't try and act like a superhuman. And few things you need to ignore. But , let me tell you , with newborn there is less mess, wait until the baby becomes a toddler. You will not be able to sit in one place. These infant days are bliss.
Your Body-
Your body changes and you need to accept that. There are some people blessed with smaller frame their belly comes back to normal shape within few weeks of delivery. That did not happen to me. First time I fretted but next time I slowed down. I ate well, nursed well to my baby and gradually when she became a year old I changed my food pattern which helped me to shed the baby fat.
Regarding Help -
In my case I did not have my mother so I asked one of our relatives to help me out in my first pregnancy. Which did not turn out so well. If possible please do not take your mother in laws help, they don't quite like their own baby to take care of his wife and the baby , hope you understood what I am trying to convey. If possible take paid help. That is much more less intrusive and professional and ofcouse you have less expectation.
Mental Health -
Another key and important note, apart from taking care of your physical health, take very good care of your mental health. Please plan yourself ahead so that you have less hassles when the baby arrives. Avoid unsolicited advice, take help, sleep and eat well. It's not easy to say but above all the points directs you towards a good mental state.
Above all, please new mothers trust your instincts , when I did not I messed up, when I did , I aced it.
It's your baby and you know the best. You may not be perfect but you learn. Try to share a loving relation with your husband/partner. Do not entertain any invasion, I mean literally any ! For raising a child you need your partner to be involved, if he can't due to time constraint hire help. Maintaining your sanity is important when raising a happy, healthy and secure child.
P.S : This article is purely based on whatever I have learned so far, no intention to hurt anyone or anything.
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