You were my universe, my life used to revolve around you my dear elder daughter before your sister was born. I did not have the slightest idea how could even another soul come in between us and split our bonding. She was my Velcro baby, always clinging to me and used to cry by the sight of any stranger. Let the world fall apart but she always wanted her Mama. So unsure of myself that how could I even love another tiny human being as equally as you. There were these thoughts in my mind, that I should not be partial to any particular child of mine and I should be fair to each one of them. Most of my days used to pass worrying about how you were going to cope up without me during my hospital stay. I worried and worried and almost broke myself up. But I was fortunate enough to find a good nanny after straight four months of search. Truly I could say that me and my daughter were the blessed ones.
Pregnancy with a toddler is tough if you are alone handling it. I was away from my house and my husband and the parenting load was fully on me. My own house was setup in such a way that it could accommodate another new family member and it was already childproofed because of my elder one. But I was totally in a different setup when with my in- laws’ house and everything had to be prepared before my second child was born. First step was to get a nanny for my daughter which was accomplished. Then I had to get her used to with my daughter so that she could do her job in such an integrity that my daughter wouldn’t feel my absence. That part was easier enough than I thought as my daughter and the nanny became friends very soon.
Next step was to detach her from me a little bit in a way that she should not feel the pain of me being away from her and seeing her mother taking care of another tiny human being. Which was expected that my daughter should spend more time with her grandparents than me, in true sense this phase took time but happened somehow. She started spending more time with the nanny and her grandparents. Which means I did whatever I could do to prepare her in advance for the new big event.
Next phase was to give my daughter some idea that there would a new family member who would be tiny and would call her “Didi”. My daughter did not even pay slightest attention whatever I tried to convey her. Well, you cannot plan for everything and this phase was absolutely a surprise for me. I would come to this topic later may be in my next blog.
I had to arrange for a dedicated cook who can prepare meal for everybody in the family. She took care of everyone’s preference in the family and cooked accordingly, which was not at all an easy job. Those who know what a “Bangal” family is then they would know what I am trying to say.
Good part was that my husband was there with me when I was in hospital and my daughter was happy to see her father around and did not have to worry about her when I was away. A mother is anxious being away from her child if she is unsure of the love, affection and attention her child might be getting in her absence. Once that fear is taken care of then she could start a new journey in a free mind. I tried to do whatever was possible for me and I now when I look back and see and don’t have any regret in my mind regarding my effort. This is what I love to do always, the quality of effort I put in to something which would make me feel happy and complete, I am not worried about the result anyway. Rewards would find you in due time.
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