When Life Smiles At You

I secret we met--

I silence I grieve,

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive.

If I should meet thee

After long years,

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears.

                                                                       by: George Gordon (Lord) Byron (1788-1824)

Truly unaware of the fact that, how long one has to travel to become a complete human being, is completeness is an illusion or a virtual myth, I don’t know. It seems that my chemical composition is changing with the time, precisely; I am a bit enthusiastic about the change is occurring in my grey matter. This journey seems so extended for me but a part of my heart knows that I am enjoying it, I am proud of it. This pride can be named as “Healthy Pride”, a healthy love for me, and I can openly admit that, everything is because of you my love…! The beauty of life is unveiling in front of me and I am merrily cherishing every bit of it.

There was a very critical question, played as a dominant thought in my mind, a stage of self actualization, that, what I exactly want out of my life, who am I? Life as a best teacher of mine, gradually telling me some treasured truth about me and my soul; and I am ready to welcome anything new about myself. Mystery has always wooed me, and I have become a mystery to myself. Certainty makes my life peaceful and at the same time it drags me to an endless monotony, is it a kind of split personality I demonstrate? My experience says that I have always fallen in love with the like minded people, but these people are not the representatives of the so called “Conventional World”. If I have attracted them and vice versa then why am I following this convention? Some people know me as obedient and some as rebel, again a contradiction which provides me with the feed for my thought. There must be a conflict in my character where I segregate myself. In today’s  date where I stand does not portray my ideology of life, I am in a way not practicing what I am preaching, but a well said proverb is “Better Late Than Never”. I am Thankful to God that he had showed me the” me” in myself. “If I change I will always change for better”, this is the common phrase I convey to everyone, and my change is constant in me though, now I can entitle myself as a knowledge sucker, each and every part of my soul wants to grow, grow as a person, evolved as person, I can now look back and smile to myself that life has provided with a splendid opportunity to learn the beauty of it.

My love for you has over grown now to fit in my heart. If I say you are the bond between me and Almighty, then I am not wrong. The beaming “you” as a morning glory is still fresh in my mind, you can deceive the whole world but not me; I have seen God within you. But I cannot wish you back in my life, all what I can expect is, be my muse for the whole out of my life as a newly blooming flower.

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"When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden." Kahil Gibran

Reminiscences and Me…..

        An elusive cloud of your reminiscence is still in my mind, though you are gone, though you would never return, still with my every footstep your presence is fascinating me. A part within me knows that you have gone forever and a part of me still wonder why this winter breeze whistling your name when it’s passing by my ears. There is a lump in my throat which wants to ooze out of me when I am in my solitude, though I know, you are my diminishing memory still unconsciously my mind creeps back to the day when for the last time you were mine. The candle that was not illuminated that day, and now it’s gradually waning with the time with my fading love for you. There are moments I face myself and try to answer my questions, is it really diminishing or just suppressing in the secret chest which is kept inside me without even my knowledge. Is it the love which is holding me back from moving forward or the habit of loving you, I am unaware of the truth. It might be the inhibition which is playing in my mind of vacating my heart and to welcome any soul to sooth mine, may be the inhibition of loyalty which is ingrained in me since my childhood .Sometimes my ignorance drives me insane and I start doubting my age. Neither resentment nor the hatred could create the distance between you and me, may be that is only bond we share now, or something else? Sometimes I do not even realize why this enormous pressure, fails to deviate my mind of your thought, why I feel safe when I am alone, why solitude has become my beloved companion. Unknowingly, unconsciously, I have fallen in love with solitude, I have become a stranger in my known world, unperturbed of my surroundings; I am all occupied with your nostalgia. I yearned for a gift but you left nothing with me except me and your reminiscence.